Beginning on December 20th all visitors to Temple Square will be asked to wear Christmas lights on their head. Young people and adults with small heads will be equipped with a string of 9 volt battery powered lights. Larger heads and larger groups will have their lights powered by a 12 Volt car battery in a wheel-a-long bag.

Carrying the car battery is somewhat difficult because of the weight, but as one visitor put it, "who cares if you have a chance to personally participate with the lights at Temple Square."


As you enter Temple Square you will be asked if you have a pace maker or a metal plate in your head. This will not stop your participation but you will be equipped with a special metal hat prior to light installation. The metal hat resembles a Chinese cooking wok. Because it is made from chrome it reflects the lights and makes for an especially dramatic effect.

Women with "Beehive" hair do's and large hair styles will be especially excited about the new program. Weaving the lights into the hair style creates the same effect as your find when you weave lights through bushes and shrubs with your home Christmas lighting.


Imagine the effect as the thousands of lights at Temple Square are accompanied by hundreds of visitors walking through Temple Square with their heads "lit up."


Each light strand has a bar code and a security stamp. Visitors who forget to return their head lights and try to leave Temple Square will receive a "fun" shock to the forehead reminding them to return the lights for the next visitor. Souvenir Christmas Head Lights can be purchased just outside the gates of Temple Square for 19.95. The souvenir lights come in Utah Red, BYU Blue, College of Eastern Utah Yellow, or mixed colors for those who don't have a school alliance.

Reported by: Mary Samborne / Creative Living Contributor
 
Washington DC -- As everyone knows even though your local Post Office may have 10 service windows, you have probably never seen more than 2 open at a time. The line sometimes wraps around like a Disney Land ride, but with no fun at the end. This proves to be a great waste of space,not to mention time and money.

With this in mind the Post Office is merging with Starbucks. The open windows will serve coffee and donuts offering the Post Office patrons something to do while they stand in line. USPS is hopeful that this merger will not only make for a better use of space, but cut down on arguments and patrons constant impatience. Several Steak houses expressed interest in opening their restaurants in the post office but it was felt that steak, potatoes, vegetables and rolls would be too difficult to balance while holding a package.


For those wishing for something other than coffee, several shakes and fruit juices will be offered. Cup holders will be placed around the counter giving patrons somewhere to rest their drinks while filling out forms, addressing labels. In return, the Post Office will now feature a cup of steaming coffee on their forever $0.44 stamp.


Clyde Clemson, Independent Reporter
 
During a recent meeting that was attended by Major League Soccer and the Professional Bowlers Association, several new rule changes were adopted. In order to make both sports more interesting to players and spectators, the MLS and PBA exchanged rules. Beginning in 2012 there will no longer be goalies on the soccer field but there will be goalies on each lane at bowling alleys. It is hoped that this move will make the action more exciting for both sports. No longer will you see a low scoring, 1-0 soccer game. Professionals expect the soccer scores to reach 50 or more points per game.

Bowlers and fans of bowling alike will now have a chance to see some real action. As one bowler put it, "after you have seen one strike you have seen them all."  This same professional bowler commented that now spectators will get the chance to see a bowling goalie "crack his skull, split a lip or bust a knee cap."  The American Bowlers Club is hoping that this change will improve their access to new advertisers. It is much easier to get a beer company to advertise your sport when you have some blood.


It was also proposed that these two sports switch uniforms. Soccer players would wear long pants and bowling shirts and bowlers would wear short - shorts and long socks. This rule switch was voted down by both groups after seeing the bare legs of most bowlers. The bowling group also considered changing the ball from round to an egg shape but felt this may prove too difficult with the addition of  bowling goalies. Soccer also considered making the soccer ball 5 times as heavy but decided against the move after many of the players that tested the ball broke their toes.


This has spurred discussion between other sports groups. The NFL is now working with the US Badminton Association, Major League Baseball with professional chess players, and NASCAR is considering ways to combine with professional swimmers. Synchronized Swimming had recent meetings with the WWF.


"Big" Jim Denton, National Sports Magazine
 
Las Vegas, NV -- Scientists harness the fart. Recently a group of UNLV scientists harnessed enough human flatulence to power an '89 Ford Probe

A recent test family stated that "after 3 good meals we can go 150 miles in our Camry." The collection unit resembles a briefcase attached to a vacuum hose. Scientists hope to minimize the size of the collection unit to something as small as a wallet. Although test families say the car smells horrible, they report that the ride is smooth and the "pick up" is excellent. As a bonus the collection units can inflate a flat tire.

Scientists hope that a collection unit will be attached to every bum in America buy 2018, Experts agree that Mexican food provides the best fuel and are encouraging restaurants to gear up and provide my Mexican meal options.


Horrace Pinkerton, Science Reporter



    Editor

    Tortoise McClellan

    Journalist

    Bill "Gunny" Gunnison

    Sports

    Bud Chippett



    Archives

    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

      ?'s & Feedback